“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” — Psalm 94:19
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That anxiety would become great within the game of baseball is not something we could have foreseen as parents. After all, it was just that: a game. From the wee ages of T-ball to the thrill of in-house tournaments in Little League, we experienced and witnessed much joy. From watching boys of summer being born at practices on sun-dried grass ballfields to seeing our son and his teammates splashing and sliding into a mud-drenched home plate under the lights on a crisp fall night — joy and baseball, intertwined.
But as time went on and we hit the high school years, the internal competitiveness that had always brought a fun and spirited edge to my son changed. Joy started to dim under the shadow of a pandemic, perceptions and pressures. Anxiety crept in.
Psalm 94:19 (above) — which we also decaled in his room as a daily encouragement — saw me through that season of life. The verse became a guiding force, and as I reflect on it now, it’s a reminder of God’s faithfulness and presence every step of the way.
1) Anxiety was great: Acknowledge and accept
When anxiety entered the picture — infiltrated our happy place — it was unsettling, unfamiliar. Over time, its presence became undeniable. It grew from being occasional and situational to an ever-present dark cloud under which he hid the extent of his emotions and the physical and mental strain he felt from the game he had always loved. But once we were able to understand its depth, we could look for ways to maneuver through. The realization that anxiety was great freed us up to act.
2) Your consolation: Seek
God’s consolation, or comfort, came through prayer and His Word. He provided embers of hope: The very words penned in my journal were found within the pages of my Bible later that morning, assuring me that He’d heard, He cared. I was not alone.
Comfort and encouragement also came through people: from a Christian sports psychologist who reminded my son of his true identity, that it was not in a game or sport but in Christ; from a pitching coach who attended our church and I happened to meet one Sunday; from vulnerability and heartfelt sharing with a longtime coach who was like family. As my son opened up his deep and hurting places, the burden and heaviness started to dissipate.
3) Brought joy to my soul: Discover
Joy was brought back to his soul in new ways. A fresh start at college in another state, with intramural sports like football and basketball, and a faith-building community with weekly chapel and life groups. A men’s rec summer baseball league then led to him playing club baseball in the fall. My son also found joy through discovering other passions — newfound hopes and dreams that ignited his soul. God had joys awaiting him that we could not have anticipated or foreseen. He knew the parts of his soul that needed to be healed, and guided him toward that.
We often tend to hide hardships, and only share and showcase successes. But when we expose our struggles to light and give people a window into our stories, the smallest ray of hope can appear, which slowly opens up the space for joy to come into our souls — often in ways we couldn’t have seen or imagined.
— Kira Hagenbuch Monica
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