Recently, I heard a speaker talk about the two most important things you can show your spouse: security and significance.
But the true motivation behind this came from the illustration he gave next. He equated our roles as the husband serving our wife to Christ serving the church. When I think of my own security and significance in Christ, I know I need assurance of those things on a daily, constant basis. I know without a doubt, through His Word and the way He moves in my life, that He is the only thing that is unchanging. That’s what it means to have Christ as your Rock. When everything in the world is changing, He remains steadfast.
If I didn’t have this foundation to fall back on, I don’t know where I would be! Within the 10 years I’ve known Him, and even before, He’s never let me down. He is, and always will be, my Rock, providing constant security for me.
In the same way, I try to reiterate to Tamela that I love her unconditionally. I tell her things like, “Baby, I’m going nowhere,” “Our love is eternal,” or even, “Eternity with you isn’t long enough.” These verbal encouragements are important for me to emphasize in our relationship, but I also help her feel secure by speaking her love language of quality time. Though this is not my primary love language, I know I need to carve out time at night just to sit and talk with her, spend one evening a week to take her out on a date, and be there for dinner time with the family. Even during the season when schedules are crazy, I make sure she knows she is a priority and I’m going nowhere.
My significance comes not in knowing who I am, but whose I am. My esteem and worth are found in Christ alone. I can have many worldly acclaims, but if I was ever to lose my identity in Christ, this would be more detrimental to me than anything else.
Showing my wife how significant she is to me means serving her and appreciating the ways she serves our family. Knowing how important a clean house is to her, I try to help out around the house, especially when she’s had a long day with the kids. I can show her appreciation by massaging her feet and shoulders, acknowledging the significance she brings to my life. Daily I call her my queen and tell her how beautiful she is; I never want her to question my affection for her.
There are so many random, little things I can do for her, whether that’s buying her flowers or a card occasionally, or folding the laundry, that can display my love for her. The important thing is to make sure my actions and words line up. The truth is, there are never enough ways for me to show her just how significant she is.
Without Christ in my life, this would be a lot harder. Christ shows us how to treat others as more important than ourselves. It’s impossible to humble yourself to that degree without the Holy Spirit in your life. Just think about what Christ did for His Bride: He died to self to set us free from ourselves. He didn’t have to do this but He did. In the same way, we have to die to self, to count it all lost for the sake of Christ.
Christ is the real Groom and we are His Bride. He’s called us as husbands to a higher calling than we have for ourselves. I want to display this kind of significance and security to the precious bride He’s entrusted me with.
“Husband, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her.” — Ephesians 5:25
— Demario Davis, New Orleans Saints linebacker
The Increase, part of the Sports Spectrum Network, is a community of Christian pro athletes sharing their personal stories of the decrease of self and the increase of Christ (John 3:30). Visit TheIncrease.com for more stories and videos.